<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Lie in This Bed You've Made by floofboy</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603781">Lie in This Bed You've Made</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/floofboy/pseuds/floofboy'>floofboy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Senyuu SQ | Senyuu. (2010), Senyuu. (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Canonically Dense Alba Frühling, Dating, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Future Fic, Love Confessions, M/M, in which ros showers alba with love and alba goes: is this a pigeon?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:14:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/floofboy/pseuds/floofboy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alba doesn't love Ros, no matter how much he might want to. He wants to hug him, kiss him, be with him and only him until they're grey and balding, but he doesn't love Ros, because he can't imagine ever going any further than a kiss.</p><p>So the proper thing to do is to leave, and to let Ros leave him as well.</p><p>(Even if it feels like he's ripping out his heart with his bare hands.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alba Frühling/Ross | Creasion, Lake/Salt (Senyuu.) (background)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lie in This Bed You've Made</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fair warning that Alba is stupidly dense and has some dumb views on love and relationships, at least at the start. </p><p>I've resigned myself to my favourite SQ albatross dynamic being ridiculously doting Ros and ridiculously dense Alba, no matter how obnoxious that may be to most people. It's... it's cute... trust me.......</p><p>I've also started trying to make Ros' speech more formal, because I adore Ros' polite speech to Alba and only Alba. Tell me if he sounds dumb.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Alba slams his drink on the bar’s counter - somewhat tipsy - and grouches, “I want a girlfriend,” he fully expects to be mocked. </p><p>Ros can find ways to mock him for anything and everything. Something as mockable as this? A twenty-five-year-old man who’s never even gone on a date whining about wanting a girlfriend? </p><p>There’s no way Ros would let it pass, and they could go from there. </p><p>Or so he thinks. </p><p>But a moment passes, two, and there’s no familiar mockery coming from the man sitting next to him. Frowning a little, he turns his head towards Ros. </p><p>There’s an odd expression on Ros’ face, one Alba can’t quite parse, and so his frown deepens. </p><p>“Soldier...?” he says hesitantly. </p><p>Ros’ eyes flick to Alba’s face, then, unusually seriously, he asks- “What is that supposed to mean, Hero?”</p><p>“Mean?” Alba echoes, confused. “What do <em>you </em>mean?”</p><p>Ros clicks his tongue. </p><p>“Why do you want a girlfriend?” demands Ros, eyes boring into Alba’s face. His gaze is strangely intense, even with cheeks flushed red with alcohol - Alba has to avert his eyes. </p><p>“Well, I mean,” Alba mumbles. His fingers tap out a pattern onto the counter. “The same reasons why anyone would want a girlfriend, I guess.”</p><p>“And what would those reasons be?” </p><p>Alba scowls down at his lap. “You know!” </p><p>“I don’t,” Ros says flatly, “Tell me.”</p><p>“What do you mean you don’t know?” complains Alba, his frustration beginning to overtake his embarrassment. He flashes a glare at Ros. “Why do you care so much anyways?”</p><p>Ros stares back at him, expression still unreadable, and says- “What can a girlfriend give you that I don’t?”</p><p>...Um?</p><p>Alba must’ve misheard that. Completely understandable, the bar is busy enough for a decent amount of background noise, and Ros is at least a little drunk - his words might’ve slurred. </p><p>“Sorry, can you say that again?” Alba asks. </p><p>Then Ros is leaning in, face pausing mere inches away from Alba’s, and Alba has to hold back a surprised yelp. </p><p>“Hero,” Ros says. His hand rests on Alba’s thigh, the grip unusually gentle. </p><p>“Y-yeah...?”</p><p>“Are you unhappy?” asks Ros. </p><p>Alba’s eyes flick downwards. </p><p>“I mean, of course not,” Alba has to admit. </p><p>“Then where is this coming from?” Ros asks, sounding irritated. He shifts back and snorts. “I don’t believe watching you get rejected by woman after woman will add anything to our comedy routine, you know. There’s plenty of better ways to spice things up.”</p><p>“That’s not why I want a girlfriend!” Alba sputters, “And why are you assuming I’ll always be rejected?!”</p><p>“Because you’re Hero,” Ros drawls. </p><p>“What kinda reason is that…” Alba grumbles. </p><p>“A perfect one,” Ros says sweetly. </p><p>Alba just sighs. </p><p>“You know, you’re asking me if I’m happy, but…” A familiar worry flares up. “Are <em>you </em>happy?”</p><p>Ros immediately shoots him a look so withering Alba wants to shrink into himself and hide away. </p><p>“Of course I am,” Ros says, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and Alba ought to be ashamed for even briefly doubting it. </p><p>Alba forges ahead regardless, because even if Ros might be happy now, even if Ros was telling the truth, where was the guarantee he wouldn’t regret it in a year? Two?</p><p>(Where was the guarantee that Ros wouldn’t resent him for forcing him to stay?)</p><p>“Don’t you want to settle down sometime?” Alba asks, insistent. “I mean, I know it’s your job to be my assigned soldier and all, but I’m not useless anymore. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to lea-“</p><p>“-Why would I ever want to leave you?” Ros cuts in, scowling. </p><p>It throws Alba a bit off-kilter, and he can’t help the slight flush that begins to creep up on his neck. He knows Ros doesn’t mean it that way, that Ros is just his friend, his best friend. </p><p>His throat suddenly feeling a bit dry, Alba coughs, clearing it. </p><p>“You know, to start a family or something,” he says awkwardly. </p><p>Ros is silent for a long moment as Alba fidgets on his seat, waiting. </p><p>Finally, a long-suffering sigh escapes Ros’ throat. </p><p>“Is that why you ‘want’ a girlfriend?” Ros asks, voice utterly filled with derision. </p><p>“What’s wrong with that?” Alba says defensively. </p><p>“Wanting to date <em>just</em> to have kids isn't very attractive, Hero,” Ros says with a sneer, “You’d get rejected twice over, and rightfully so.”</p><p>“I know that! That’s not why-”</p><p>“-If you know that, then stop saying such idiotic things,” Ros says shortly. </p><p>Alba scowls down at his lap. “It’s not idiotic.”</p><p>“It’s very idiotic,” Ros corrects, then, annoyance clear in his voice- “Your parents said something to you, didn’t they?”</p><p>“Um…” Alba gives Ros an awkward smile. </p><p>“You come back from a visit home and immediately start saying stuff like this, it’s obvious,” Ros says, raising an eyebrow. “Did they ask to see their grandchildren?”</p><p>Alba coughs. “Well… she didn’t say it exactly like that…”</p><p>“But they said something like that?”</p><p>Alba averts his gaze again. </p><p>“You left home years ago,” says Ros, exasperation clear. “Don’t let your parents tell you what to do with your life.”</p><p>“That’s not how it is!” Alba objects, “I <em>want</em> to make my parents happy. And…” he trails off into a mumble. “It’s not like I don’t want kids… you know, at some point...”</p><p>Ros raises an eyebrow. “If you’d really like to settle down right now, Hero, I don’t mind.” </p><p>“You… don’t?” </p><p>It should be what Alba wants, but for some reason, it hurts. The sudden nonchalance hurts.</p><p>(This is how it should be though, and so Alba shoves the hurt away.)</p><p>“I’d rather journey around a little longer, of course,” Ros continues, “But it might be nice to settle down in one place for a while.” He frowns. “Finding work might be a bit of an issue, though. I’ve never done anything but soldier work, and you-” he snorts. “Can you even say you’ve done hero work?”</p><p>“Of course I can!” Alba sputters. </p><p>The retort jumps out automatically, even as his confusion rises.</p><p>“Sure, sure,” Ros says with another snort. He waves a hand dismissively. “If we do manage to find stable work, then we can talk about adopting. I don’t know what silly assumptions you made, but I do actually like kids, Hero. I’m fine with starting a family like that with you.” </p><p>Alba stares at Ros, face going blank, because- it couldn’t be. But...</p><p>He holds up a hand. </p><p>“Wait,” he says, voice a little strangled. </p><p>Ros tilts his head to the side. “Hero?”</p><p>“What are you even saying?” Alba says weakly. “You- <em>what</em>-”</p><p>“I don’t understand what the issue is,” Ros says, sounding irritated again. “You were the one to bring up settling down.”</p><p>“But-” Alba bites down on his lip. </p><p>The way Ros is talking- so matter-of-fact, as though Alba should already know-</p><p>It makes it sound like-</p><p>“But what?” Ros asks. </p><p>“You- Soldier…” Alba looks back towards Ros, his hands falling back into his lap. “You like me?”</p><p>Ros glares at him, and Alba instantly flinches. </p><p>“Sorry, aha,” Alba babbles out, “That was dumb, of course it was, heh. Just, um, just forget I asked-”</p><p>“-I love you, obviously.”</p><p>Alba’s mouth slams shut, his mind blanking.</p><p>Then, after a few moments’ delay, his face flushes tomato red. </p><p>“What,” he says faintly. </p><p>“Are you saying that you don’t love me?” </p><p>“No, that’s not- but I mean-” Alba stammers out, “You’re my best friend, I don’t- I <em>don’t</em>-”</p><p>He doesn’t love Ros like that. Obviously he doesn’t. They’re just friends, he’s never really been able to see Ros as anything more. </p><p>(Despite his best efforts.)</p><p>But for some reason, the words to deny it clam up in his throat and won’t come out.</p><p>Ros just looks amused though. </p><p>“Don’t tell me you really didn’t realize,” Ros says, and his tone- was it affectionate? </p><p>Alba thinks his brain is going into overload. He has no idea what’s going on anymore, and he doesn’t know what to do. </p><p>Then suddenly, there’s a stinging pain radiating from his forehead, and Alba yelps, his hands jumping up to soothe at the spot. </p><p>“You there, Hero?” Ros drawls. </p><p>“You flicked my forehead…” Alba whines. </p><p>“You’re lucky I didn’t do worse, after all the nonsense you spouted today,” Ros says primly. </p><p>“All the nonsense <em>I </em>spouted?” Alba sputters, “Isn’t it the other way-”</p><p>Alba pauses again. Wait a second. Of course.</p><p>Disappointment wells up in his chest. </p><p>Ros was just messing with him. He knew it was going to happen, he just hadn’t expected it to happen like this, so he hadn’t recognized it for what it was. </p><p>“Jokes like that aren’t funny, Soldier,” Alba says quietly. </p><p>“What, flicking your forehead?” Ros snorts. “I’ve done much worse. What are you whining about after all this time?”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean!” Alba snaps. “I mean- saying you-” he falters, “That you, um, like me… in that way…”</p><p>Ros stills. </p><p>“...It isn’t a joke that I love you,” Ros says, voice uncharacteristically soft. </p><p>“Stop saying that!” </p><p>“I clearly haven’t been saying it enough, so I refuse,” Ros says, flashing him an all-too-bright smile. </p><p>“You’ve never even confessed before, but you’re suddenly acting like my boyfriend,” Alba hisses, eyes wild, “You can’t expect me to believe this out of nowhere.”</p><p>“I’ve said it before, actually,” Ros says mildly. “But I suppose that was my bad for assuming anything but the most explicit and detailed explanation would get through to your dense mind.”</p><p>...Now that Ros mentions it, thinking back, he can recall Ros telling him that he loved him on a few different occasions. </p><p>But how was he supposed to know that Ros had meant it romantically?!</p><p>Wait. No. </p><p>Ros hadn’t meant it romantically. Alba shouldn’t fall into this trap. </p><p>(That’s what’s best for Ros as well as him.)</p><p>“You can’t trick me that easily,” Alba says stubbornly. </p><p>“I’m not tricking you,” Ros says, frustrated. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t you?” </p><p>Ros scowls. “You really have gotten uppity, Hero. You used to be cuter. More trusting.”</p><p>“Haven’t you ever heard of <em>The Boy Who Cried Bear?</em>” grumbles Alba. </p><p>“That boy told the truth in the end, didn’t he?” </p><p>“And what’s the proof that this is ‘the end’?” Alba shoots back. </p><p>“What would be proof in your eyes?” Ros demands. “Should I tell you I love you again? Make you breakfast every morning, and dinner every night? Dedicate half my life to you and only you?” His gaze is sharp. “What more proof do you need?”</p><p>“Urk-”</p><p>Alba’s cheeks still feel like they’re about to burn off from the heat. </p><p>“Hero, just accept it already. Don’t you want this too?”</p><p>Desperate, Alba latches onto that last question. </p><p>“I-I, uh, don’t see you in that way,” Alba manages to say, his gaze flicking away. “Even <em>if </em>you’re telling the truth.”</p><p>Alba swallows thickly, waiting nervously for Ros to respond. </p><p>He doesn’t expect Ros to break out into laughter. </p><p>“Hero,” he chokes out between snickers, “You’re a terrible liar.”</p><p>“I’m not lying,” Alba says, a little annoyed.</p><p>Because he wasn’t. </p><p>Yes, he used to have a tiny crush on Ros. He couldn’t be faulted for that, honestly! It was Ros, he was his first friend. Of course he’d get the smallest hint of a crush at first when they spent so much time together, every day, all day. And maybe that crush had revived, just a tad bit, at some points. </p><p>But those silly feelings never became anything more, and they soon disappeared every time. He’s sure of it. </p><p>And that was for the best. </p><p>(No matter how badly he wished those feelings had stayed and grown. </p><p>No matter that he’d clung desperately at the way he wanted to kiss Ros, to be with him, the way he’d never wanted to with anyone before.)</p><p>Besides, he was, and still is, perfectly happy with staying as nothing but best friends. </p><p>...Ros himself preferring to be his lover wasn’t a possibility he had ever considered.</p><p>Ros, however, is completely unperturbed by Alba’s firm denial. </p><p>“Oh, Hero,” Ros hums, “It amazes me that you’re bold enough to claim something like that-” he flits his hand over Alba’s hips, reaches up to caress his cheek, and Alba tries not to react, but- Ros just snickers and continues, “-when you always can’t help but lean into my touch.”</p><p>“...Shut up.”</p><p>“I don’t think I will,” Ros says brightly. </p><p>“It doesn’t even matter,” Alba grumbles, refusing to give in. “Even if I liked you - which I don’t - I don’t believe you like me.”</p><p>Displeasure flashes in Ros’ eyes, and Alba swallows nervously. </p><p>“Why are you being so stubborn about this?” Ros demands. </p><p>Alba remains silent. </p><p>“...Fine,” says Ros finally, “What about this?” His thumb traces a soft line across Alba’s cheek, and it feels nicer than it really strictly should. He smiles at Alba and continues, “Date me for a month, Hero. Just a month is fine.”</p><p>“W-were you listening to anything I said?” </p><p>“Date me for a month,” Ros repeats, “And if at the end of it all, if you still ‘don’t like me’, if you still think I don’t like you, I promise to step back.” His smile widens. “You can go looking for a girlfriend all you want, and I promise I won’t say a word, not even to mock you when you get rejected.”</p><p>“It’s not like I’m not used to you mocking me…” mumbles Alba. </p><p>But maybe this would be better. It would draw a line in the sand once it was all over, if Ros was really telling the truth. </p><p>And it would only be a month besides. Barely anything. </p><p>(It would let Ros move on, if he was really telling the truth.)</p><p>So, collecting all his courage, he meets Ros’ eyes. </p><p>And with a hint of nervousness, he says- </p><p>“Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>Alba expects Ros to jump right into things, but the reality is the exact opposite. Absolutely nothing changes in the next couple days. </p><p>Ros doesn’t even try to kiss him on the lips. </p><p>Not that he wants him to, of course. </p><p>Definitely not. </p><p>(Maybe he wants him to, just a little. Platonically. Like the kisses Ros sometimes gives him already, on his nose, his hair, his cheeks. </p><p>It wouldn’t mean anything more, just for their lips to meet.)</p><p>So it’s another typical morning when Ros says casually, “It’s about time we move to a different town.”</p><p>“Mm, yeah,” Alba mumbles out. They’ve been here a while, they’ve cleared most of the monsters in the area - there’s not really much point in staying longer. </p><p>Though, it hasn’t been too long since he rolled himself out of the bed, so his agreement is far from eloquent.</p><p>Meanwhile, Ros - the perennial morning person - woke up bright and early and polished off his breakfast long before Alba even sat himself down at the table.</p><p>(It kinda annoys him, but he’s yet to figure out a way to wake up earlier than Ros.)</p><p>“Before we go,” Ros continues, “I was thinking we should go check out the apple blossoms in the afternoon. They’re in season, and there’s an orchard nearby that opens their farm to tourists for a fee.”</p><p>Alba perks up at that, some of his sleepiness dissipating. “Let’s go on a picnic?”</p><p>“Let’s,” says Ros, and smiles.</p>
<hr/><p>Ros is usually the one who cooks, but Alba has learnt how to make simple meals for himself over the years, much to Ros’ displeasure for whatever reason.</p><p>“You never clean the kitchen well enough after cooking,” is the reason Alba was given, but Ros continues to seem displeased even after Alba improves his cleaning skills. </p><p>(Personally, he thinks Ros just enjoys the ability to occasionally poison him a little too much.)</p><p>But Alba never saw the need to really argue about it. While he doesn’t enjoy doing his delegated chores like cleaning the toilet - he’d honestly rather cook like Ros - he has to admit Ros’ cooking skills far outstrip his own. When Ros feels like really putting his heart into it, even the poisoned meals he makes taste delicious. </p><p>Why ruin a good thing for himself?</p><p>So Ros is usually the one who cooks. </p><p>That doesn’t mean Alba never helps him with it though, and when preparing meals to go, they almost always do it together. </p><p>It’s no different today. Alba happily boils eggs and puts together sandwiches, as Ros fries potatoes and tosses up a salad next to him. </p><p>“We might as well use all our leftover groceries while we’re at it,” Ros says with a shrug. </p><p>Once they’re done, the food is packed away in functional containers and stored away in a simple pack. Not be the nicest of containers, but they have to pack light when they travel so often. A picnic basket would be silly to lug around. </p><p>Alba misses small things like that at times. He likes helping people, but the world is calming down. There’s fewer and fewer towns and villages suffering under the plight of monsters, fewer and fewer places needing a classic hero or soldier. </p><p>It’s honestly about time to retire, and not just because of his own desires to settle down. </p><p>(And Ros, who’s dedicated too much of his life already to babysitting him, deserves to retire and settle down in a normal life so much more than Alba does.)</p><p>The walk to the apple orchard Ros mentioned isn’t too long- they’ve even passed it a few times before on their way out on quests. The sun is bright but not blazing, and there’s a cool wind blowing from the east. </p><p>It’s honestly a perfect day, in Alba’s humble opinion, and Ros seems to agree, because his smile is shining and his words are chipper. </p><p>And when they reach the orchard, the farmers manning the entrance stand are selling a plethora of baked treats, stuffed with canned apples and apple jellies. </p><p>Alba really can’t say no when Ros turns to him and says, face glowing, “Hero, let’s get some!”</p><p>There’s something about Ros being happy that makes his heart beat faster. He loves seeing Ros happy, and really, in the end-</p><p>All he wants in life is for Ros to stay smiling.</p>
<hr/><p>They spread out their rough blanket on the grass in front of a tree, and enjoy their lunch quietly while watching the blossoms above them. </p><p>It’s pretty, and the atmosphere is comfortable, but Alba can’t help but yawn not too long after he finishes polishing off his lunch. </p><p>“You spend all night sleeping and you’re still tired?” Ros comments, “You really impress me, Hero.”</p><p>“I get sleepy after eating, okay,” Alba says, defensive. “And sleep is good for you! It makes you grow!”</p><p>“You don’t need to grow any taller,” says Ros, slamming a hand on Alba’s head to ruffle his hair. “It’s creepy how tall you’ve gotten.”</p><p>“I’m barely taller than you!” Alba objects, batting at Ros’ arm to no avail. </p><p>“That’s what’s creepy,” Ros says sweetly. </p><p>Alba scowls. </p><p>“Don’t pout,” Ros says, sounding amused. </p><p>Then Alba blinks, and he’s being drawn into Ros’ arms, face pressed against Ros’ chest as they lean back on the tree. </p><p>Ros brushes his hand through Alba’s hair, a soft motion. </p><p>“Take a nap if you’d like,” Ros says gently. “I was just planning to read a book either way.”</p><p>Ros’ chest is as warm and comfortable as ever.</p><p>But looking up at Ros, Alba is suddenly hit by the realization of how close they were, of how just a little nudge forwards would be enough for their faces to meet-</p><p>Alba flushes, and Ros, damn him, notices immediately. </p><p>“...Would you like me to kiss you, Hero?” asks Ros, a satisfied smile dancing at his lips. “Or were you just planning to say that there was something stuck on my lips?”</p><p>It’s the first reference Ros has made to something romantic since that night at the bar, and Alba is caught off-guard by the suddenness of it. </p><p>“I… I mean, I said I would date you…” Alba hedges. </p><p>“That has nothing to do with this,” Ros says, still looking all-too-smug. “If you’d like me to kiss you, Hero, you’ll have to ask.” He pauses. “Though, if you’d like to kiss me, feel free to do so whenever. But I suppose you alre-”</p><p>“-I got it!” Alba quickly cuts in. Squirming a little, he manages to slip out of Ros’ grasp, and slides down to rest his head on Ros’ lap. With a cough, he continues, “I’m tired, so I’m going to take that nap.”</p><p>“Alright,” Ros says easily. He rests a gentle hand back onto Alba’s head, then a moment or two later,  Alba can hear a shuffling noise. </p><p>It sounds like Ros is retrieving his book, and it doesn’t seem like he’s about to push any further on the topic of romance. </p><p>So Alba closes his eyes and tries to sleep. But while he still feels a little sleepy, and he always feels comfortable like this, with Ros so close-</p><p>He can’t sleep. </p><p>Alba bites his lip for the briefest moment, then mumbles out, “I wasn’t sure if you still remembered.”</p><p>“Mm? Remembered what?”</p><p>“That you asked me to date you,” Alba clarifies, a little reluctantly. “You didn’t say anything about it until just now…”</p><p>Alba can hear another rustle - Ros placing his book back to the side, most likely - but Ros is quiet for a long moment afterwards. </p><p>“Hero,” Ros says finally. “At what point is something no longer platonic to you?”</p><p>Alba frowns. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“What are you doing right now?” Ros asks. </p><p>“Trying to sleep?” </p><p>“And where are you doing that?” Ros asks flatly. </p><p>“...On your lap,” Alba says, confused. </p><p>“Right,” Ros says, voice going a little strangled. “Hero, you do realize if I start throwing out retorts in this relationship, you’ll lose the only unique characteristic you have.”</p><p>“Wha- you don’t need to be so rude! My retorting is doing fine!” </p><p>“The fact you still don’t understand means that your retorting skills are in grave danger,” Ros says snidely. “Hero, would you do what you do with me with anyone?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Alba mumbles. </p><p>“Then-” Ros starts, sounding relieved. </p><p>“You’re my best friend,” Alba explains, then yelps as Ros suddenly gives his hair a brief painful tug. </p><p>“If this is what you’d do with your ‘best friend’,” Ros says, irritation clear in his voice, “What exactly would you do with a lover?”</p><p>“I mean, kiss, I guess,” Alba says, a little haltingly. His eyes flick downwards. “And eventually, I guess we’d have to go further…” </p><p>“Have to?” Ros echoes, voice sharp. “Most people wouldn’t describe it that way.”</p><p>“I mean,”  Alba flounders. “That was just- bad wording. I’m not a kid anymore! Of course I would want to…”</p><p>His eyes flick down. </p><p>Of course he should want to.</p>
<hr/><p>Fourteen years old, his father home for the first time in a while. His parents reminisce about Alba as a child at the dinner table, much to his embarrassment. </p><p>His mother, a little nostalgically, says she misses those days sometimes, having a cute little kid around. She’s too old to have another child though- Midnight had been barely around enough to have Alba with her, let alone a sibling. </p><p>“We’ll just have to wait until Alba has kids,” his father jokes, ruffling Alba’s hair. “Hell, won’t even be too long now, I bet.”</p><p>Alba just smiles nervously.</p><p>Later that night, his mother fast asleep, Alba approaches his father. He wants to know if what he feels is right, or wrong, or if there’s just something plain off about it. </p><p>“Kids are cute, but,” Alba says, haltingly, nervously, “The idea of actually, um, making them, feels-“ </p><p>Gross, disgusting, makes bile come up his throat, but all those descriptors feel far too harsh to say out loud, so he settles on-</p><p>“-scary.”</p><p>His father pats his shoulder gently, expression softening. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Midnight apologizes. “I put too much pressure on you, didn’t I? I didn’t realize you were such a late bloomer.” He smiles down at Alba. “Don’t worry about it right now, Alba. You’ll understand eventually.” He snorts. “Probably soon, I bet.” </p><p>Reassured, Alba clings onto those words throughout his teenage years. But as he grows steadily older, the strength of that reassurance fades. </p><p>He’s twenty-five now. How late of a bloomer can he possibly be?</p><p>And a few weeks back, when he separates with Ros for a bit to visit his parents, to let Ros have a chance to visit Crea…</p><p>He’s smart enough to know that ‘even the thought of having sex disgusts me’ would no longer be gently accepted as the reason why he hasn’t gotten married yet. </p><p>“I do want to see my grandchildren before I die,” his mother says with a sigh. </p><p>“You aren’t sick, are you?” Alba says in return, a little worried. </p><p>“Oh, I’m keeping healthy, don’t worry!” his mother answers brightly, “But you know, you never know what will happen in life…”</p><p>“Right…” </p><p>“I understand, of course,” his mother continues, “You’re like your father, you like travelling. I’m sure it’s fun, you don’t want to settle down. Especially when you have a friend with you!” She sighs. “Your father always travels alone… it makes me worried sometimes, honestly. I’m glad you have someone with you, Al-tan.”</p><p>That wasn’t precisely true, but Alba doesn’t particularly want to correct his mother’s assumptions. </p><p>Alba does want to settle down. He’s not like his father, he’s getting tired of travelling, and he can’t imagine travelling for the rest of his life. </p><p>Much less leaving a wife and child alone at home to do so. </p><p>His father hasn’t even come home in over a year now, from what his mother has said. He’s journeyed across the sea to help treat people in war-torn areas on the continent. It’s laudable, of course, but the only reason why they even know he’s still alive is the occasional postcard. </p><p>Alba doesn’t want to live life like that, not forever. </p><p>But there’s only one person he can imagine settling down with, and it’s not someone he loves the way he should love a lover.</p><p>(His little domestic fantasies are starting to get kind of pathetic. Reading too much into meals cooked out of simple obligation, gentle embraces of mere friendship. </p><p>If Ros knew he dreamed of nonsense like buying a house with him, raising kids with him, he’d be mercilessly mocked. </p><p>He knows that.)</p><p>“Your friend is getting older too, isn’t he?” his mother asks suddenly, and Alba is taken off-guard. </p><p>“What, Soldier? Yeah, I guess…” Alba says with a shrug. “I mean, he’s a couple years older than me, so.”</p><p>“Is he interested in getting married?”</p><p>Something twists inside of him at that question, at the idea of Ros marrying some random person. At the idea of someone else falling asleep by Ros every night, someone else eating his home-cooked meals every morning. </p><p>(It’s clearly jealousy, but Alba tries not to dwell on it.)</p><p>“It’s Soldier,” Alba just says, “He’d say if he was. I don’t think so.”</p><p>But uncertainty begins to cloud his mind. <em>Would </em>Ros say so?</p><p>(Because despite Ros’ nonchalant attitude, despite the insults, the mockery, Alba knows Ros cares. </p><p>And for Alba’s sake, Ros has and would stay silent about even his own hurts.)</p><p>“He’s assigned to you though, isn’t he? By the castle?” his mother observes, “I do hope that poor boy doesn’t feel obligated to stay… I’d feel worried about leaving you alone too…”</p><p>“Soldier does what he wants,” Alba insists regardless. </p><p>The seed of doubt remains though, and when he returns to Ros- </p><p>(A few innocent words are enough to make it bloom.)</p><p>Ros deserves to leave to find his happiness, a nice normal life, and Alba needs to grow up already. Maybe if he dates around, maybe if he stops trying to push his malformed desires into Ros, he’ll finally find someone he can love in that way. </p><p>Even if thinking about it makes his stomach curl.</p>
<hr/><p>So Alba doesn’t want Ros to realize the ways he’s still immature. After all- if Ros starts thinking of him as a kid, then regardless of all this nonsense about loving him, would he be willing to leave him?</p><p>He’s nervous, head lying on Ros’ lap still. Wondering quietly if Ros has bought his explanation. </p><p>He doesn’t expect Ros to stroke his hair and ask, “What does not wanting to go further have to do with being a kid?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m not interested in that sort of thing either, you realize,” Ros says mildly. </p><p>“<em>What?</em>”</p><p>Ros snorts. “What’s so shocking about that, Hero? Though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that someone who lacks basic observational skills couldn’t realize that much.”</p><p>“I-I have observational skills,” Alba objects, “But- I mean- you said you liked me!”</p><p>“I love you, yes,” Ros corrects, ever-so-casually. </p><p>Alba wrenches his head up and frowns. “But then why don’t you… shouldn’t you want to…”</p><p>In retrospect, that was a clear hole in Ros’ claim that he liked Alba in that way. Though Alba was sure they hadn’t gone past anything platonic - at least usually - even Alba has to admit they’re fairly touchy-feely. And they have been for a long while. </p><p>If Ros liked him like that, it should’ve been unbearable. To have Alba always so close, but never going any further. </p><p>And yet, Ros has never made a move, despite apparently being so certain that Alba likes him back. </p><p>“Hero.” Ros says, his expression going soft. “I already have everything I want from you.”</p><p>“But we don’t do anything,” Alba points out, reasonably he thinks. </p><p>Ros, however, doesn’t waver. </p><p>“I know you can be slow about these things,” Ros says drily. “But I refuse to believe you think it’s normal for friends to sleep together every night.”</p><p>Alba chokes. “Don’t- don’t say it like that!”</p><p>“What? That we sleep together?”</p><p>“We sleep in the same bed! Because it’s cheaper!” Alba hurriedly corrects. </p><p>“Is it also cheaper to cuddle into me until we both fall asleep?” asks Ros, low and mocking. </p><p>“I- You’re warm!”</p><p>It’s a complete lie. Ros is usually on the cooler side, but under warm blankets it’s tolerable enough. </p><p>The crux of the matter is really that Alba has never minded sleeping with something. Prefers it, honestly. He stopped sleeping with his stuffed animals when he set off on his journey, and he spent years after that sleeping alone… but he didn’t really like it. </p><p>So when Ros offered to let him share the bed instead of taking the floor, he couldn’t help but make himself comfortable. </p><p>And Ros had let him! Not a single word of complaint! It was normal, he thought!</p><p>(Maybe he should’ve gotten a third opinion.)</p><p>“So that’s why you do it in the summer as well, of course.” Ros raises an eyebrow. “Because I’m warm.”</p><p>Alba decides to ignore that little flaw in his logic. </p><p>“You’re making it sound so scandalous,” Alba grumbles, “But it’s not like we’ve ever actually- you know.”</p><p>Had anything even resembling sex. </p><p>The idea is off-putting, honestly, and that’s how Alba knows his small crush had been just that - a small, passing crush. He might like spending time with Ros, might perhaps like pressing himself into Ros’ chest… but he has no desire for anything further. </p><p>(And maybe he’s never had that desire with anyone, and maybe Ros is closest he’s ever gotten to it, but it would happen with someone eventually, wouldn’t it? </p><p>He couldn’t keep Ros with him out of the flimsy justification that he was only one step away from loving him.)</p><p>But then Ros just shrugs. “Like I said, I’m not interested in that sort of thing. I always assumed you weren’t either, Hero.” He shrugs again. “I’m not particularly opposed to it myself- if you’d actually like to, I’d happily oblige.” He smiles wryly. “But it’s not really something I’d go out of my way to do.”</p><p>“...I thought you liked me?” Alba asks yet again. </p><p>“Again, I do,” Ros confirms, his smile softening into one that makes Alba’s heart skip a beat. “I love you. Romantically, of course.”</p><p>“You say it so easily,” Alba mumbles, feeling his face heat. </p><p>“Seeing you embarrassed is a treat, after all,” Ros says brightly. He pats at one of Alba’s cheeks with a light hand. </p><p>Alba scowls at that.  </p><p>“I don’t understand you,” he mutters. “You say you love me, but then you say you’re happy staying as friends…”</p><p>“I never said that,” Ros says immediately. “Really, Hero? I know you never had friends as a kid, but I didn’t think that would mean you’d call everything we do <em>platonic.</em> Idiot.”</p><p>“I’m not-”</p><p>“-You are,” Ros cuts in. “I want you, Hero. I don’t want anyone else to touch you.” He hums, running a hand through Alba’s hair. “I like it when you cling to me. I want you close, always. I want you to eat the food I make for the rest of our lives, I want you to never leave, I-” </p><p>He pauses, and Alba, face still burning red and getting worse by the second, watches in surprise as Ros’ cheeks stain as well. </p><p>With a cough, Ros continues in a smaller voice, “I want you to be happy with me, Hero.” Raising his voice back up to a normal volume, he concludes, “Why do I need to want to sleep with you on top of all that?”</p><p>“That’s…” Alba shifts, turns his head to the side. “I…”</p><p>The hand resting on his hair is still so comfortable.</p><p>“I thought you were the same, Hero,” Ros says quietly, “For all that nonsense about getting a girlfriend from a couple days ago, I’ve never seen you give a pretty girl a second glance. Or a pretty guy, or anyone, for that matter.”</p><p>He’s not wrong, he isn’t wrong at all, but if Alba accepted what Ros was saying, that would mean- that would seem like-</p><p>(That would sound too much like he feels.)</p><p>Alba can’t accept that still.</p><p>Ros hums, his hand beginning to stroke Alba’s hair again. Alba wishes he wouldn’t.</p><p>It feels too nice. </p><p>It’s distracting. </p><p>“I asked you to date me because you didn’t seem to understand we already were,” Ros says, “Not because I want anything more from you. We can just stay the way we are, and everything will be just fine. Doesn’t that sound better than whatever ridiculous ideas you had?”</p><p>Of course it does. </p><p>Alba bites down on his lip, hard enough for the jolt of pain to clear his mind. </p><p>Of <em>course </em>it does<em>. </em></p><p>It’s obvious now that Ros isn’t just joking around. It’s gone on for too long, and the way Ros is acting - Alba can’t see where the joke would be anymore. </p><p>But even if Ros isn’t joking, if he really thinks he loves Alba… </p><p>Alba can’t believe it. </p><p>It sounds too good to be true, that Ros would be happy with him without wanting anything more.</p><p>(There’s other reasons why Ros would lie.)</p><p>And besides, Ros deserves better. He deserves to love someone fully, and be loved back just as much. Alba isn’t that person. </p><p>Even if the idea of Ros leaving him, of leaving Ros, makes him feel sick to the stomach. Even if he can’t see himself being anything but miserable in some vague future where he marries some nice village girl that his mom would love. </p><p>It’s just jealousy he shouldn’t be having, possessiveness he didn’t think he had. </p><p>He can’t be selfish. He was a hero, wasn’t he? Isn’t that who Ros has taught him to be, after all these years?</p><p>(He’s stolen away enough of Ros’ life already.)</p><p>If even touching Ros the way he’s used to isn’t allowed if he wants to be what Ros calls friends, then Alba would stop. He couldn’t have it both ways, couldn’t let Ros go free if Ros thought he was trapped. </p><p>But it’s been so long already. </p><p>A month more wouldn’t hurt, and so Alba remains where he is, head lying in Ros’ lap.</p>
<hr/><p>There’s a portside town on the southern side of the country recruiting adventurers. Apparently they want to cut down on the sea monster population before summer tourism really kicks off. </p><p>So naturally, that’s where Alba and Ros set their sights next. </p><p>It’s a long ways from the north-western town they’re currently settled in though, and as they plot their route on the map, Ros sighs. </p><p>“I suppose I should go visit my idiot brother,” Ros says reluctantly. “Tradin is on the way.”</p><p>“Lake-san is nice,” Alba says brightly. </p><p>“‘Lake-san’ is annoying,” Ros grouches, “But I suppose he’ll be even more annoying if he finds out we passed through without saying a word.”</p><p>In all the time Alba has known Ros, he’s never been particularly close to his family. As a result, Alba has only met Lake and his husband some handfuls of times, maybe a few times a year at most. </p><p>He means it when he says Lake is nice though. A regular bundle of sunshine, perfectly welcoming whenever they show up unannounced. Never complains even when Ros is rude and sneering. </p><p>(And he clearly cares about Ros a lot, which automatically improves his standing in Alba’s eyes.)</p><p>Tradin is nice as well. The country’s second-largest city, a bustling trading centre and home to the country’s best university. It’s where Alba had dreamt of living, back when he was young and still had aspirations of being a researcher.</p><p>So despite Ros’ loud complaints - which Alba suspects are exaggerated anyways - Alba is in a cheerful mood when they arrive in the city some days later. </p><p>Ros, however, is not. </p><p>And that in itself should be ringing alarm bells for Alba, but sometime during the last couple weeks, his danger detection skills have dulled. </p><p>It’s unfortunate, but not unsurprising - Ros has been utterly doting lately. Before they set off, he even cooked up meal after meal of Alba’s favourite foods without poisoning them in the slightest. </p><p>Alba has gotten complacent. </p><p>That’s why when Ros slams a hand onto his shoulder, grip painfully tight, he’s taken completely off-guard. </p><p>“Soldier…?” Alba says nervously, his gaze shifting towards Ros. </p><p>Ros gives him a smile, saccharine sweet and utterly terrifying. </p><p>“Hero,” he says, voice lilting, “There’s a café I want you to take me to.”</p><p>“Ah, I mean, sure I guess,” Alba says, cautious. “What’s the café?”</p><p>“Oh, I forgot the name,” Ros says innocently. “But I’m sure you know the one. It’s near the university, the one right by the fountain… it has a flower shop next door.”</p><p>Alba pauses. </p><p>“Um, Ros…” Alba says, voice going a little faint. “Isn’t that café, um… it’s that one that’s famous as...” He coughs. “Aren’t we a little old to be going there?”</p><p>“Don’t be such an old man, Hero,” Ros says brightly. “My brother went there just last year.”</p><p>“He did?” Alba says, incredulous. In a low mutter, he comments, “I feel sorry for Salt-san.”</p><p>“He said Salt was the one to suggest it,” Ros corrects blithely, and Alba chokes in response. </p><p>“A-anyways,” Alba says, changing the subject. “Why do you want to go to a cutesy dating spot for university students? I haven’t heard their sweets are all that good…” </p><p>The only reason he knows about it at all is because it hits all the dining and tourist magazines for its record-breaking sales around Valentine’s. None of the articles he’s read about it have ever praised anything but the shop’s advertising tactics and business revenue. </p><p>“Why? Isn’t that obvious?” Ros says, voice innocently confused. Then a mocking smirk spreads across his face, immediately destroying his earlier facade. “I want to see you embarrassed, Hero.”</p><p>“Won’t it just make you embarrassed too?!”</p><p>“Oh, Hero.” Ros snorts. “As if I’d be embarrassed when I can watch you in all your shame.”</p><p>The worst part is, Alba isn’t even surprised. </p><p>“Urgh…” Alba groans, “I don’t wanna go somewhere like that… I really don’t wanna…”</p><p>“You agreed to date me, didn’t you?” Ros says sweetly. “You need to take me on dates.”</p><p>Alba just groans louder. He’s fairly sure this isn’t part of their agreement, but...</p><p>“Oh, fine,” he mutters. </p><p>Ros’ face shines bright. “Then let’s go now!”</p><p>“Let’s get it over with, I guess…” Alba mumbles reluctantly.</p>
<hr/><p>To Alba’s relief, they aren’t recognized while waiting to get into the café, and surprisingly, they aren’t <em>too</em> out of place with the age demographic. Though most people in the line still definitely skew younger. </p><p>So he’s feeling somewhat optimistic when they finally reach the start of the line and drop off their packs with an employee. </p><p>But what little relief he felt dissipates the moment they actually step into the place. </p><p>The decor isn’t bad. Rather more tasteful than Alba expected, honestly, though there’s still too many hearts and ribbons around for his taste. </p><p>The problem is the clientele. </p><p>It’s so obviously a spot for couples, and only couples. People are shamelessly flirting, and while he wishes them the utmost happiness in their relationships, he’d rather be absolutely anywhere but here. The atmosphere would be enough to kill him if he had come here alone, let alone with a Ros who <em>refuses to let go of his hand. </em></p><p>“Soldier,” Alba hisses, tugging at Ros’ arm. “Are we really going to eat here?”</p><p>Ros glances over at him and flashes a sunny smile. “You’re already bright red, Hero. Adorable.”</p><p>...That was a yes. </p><p>So fine, he likes seeing Ros smile. And yes, he’s gone through much worse humiliation, much worse pain, just in the hopes that Ros would smile at the end of it. </p><p>But it usually wasn’t in such a public place!</p><p>As soon as a waiter leads them to their table, a snug booth with seating on only one side, Alba does his very best to sink under the table. </p><p>“Sit up, Hero, honestly,” Ros says mercilessly, cruelly pulling him back up and into his side. </p><p>With no other choice, Alba goes for plan B - smushing his face into Ros’ shoulder. </p><p>“Kill me now,” Alba mutters, his voice muffled. He squeezes Ros’ arm tight and sourly hopes it hurts. </p><p>“Um… is that customer alright?” the waiter says hesitantly. </p><p>“Oh, he’s fine,” Ros says, voice amused. “You see, Hero here <em>begged </em>me to come to this café with him, but now that he’s here, he’s embarrassed. Isn’t that funny?”</p><p>Alba jerks back. “Wha- Soldier, don’t rewrite history!”</p><p>“And now he’s playing dumb,” Ros says in a stage whisper. </p><p>“I am not!” Alba sputters. </p><p>The waiter coughs once, unperturbed. </p><p>“I’ll leave your menu here,” he says, sliding it across the table. “Once you’ve decided on your orders, you can ring the bell for service.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Ros says politely, then jabs an elbow into Alba’s side. “Hero.”</p><p>“Oh,” Alba says, flustered. “I’m sorry, thank you.”</p><p>“You’re quite welcome,” the waiter answers, but then peers at Alba curiously. He hesitates a moment, then says, “Um, excuse me, sir.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Alba asks, a little confused. </p><p>“Er, I apologize for prying, but…” the waiter begins to look excited. “Would you happen to be Hero Alba?”</p><p>Alba’s heart pounds. If he was found in a place like this - with Ros -</p><p>He can already see the covers of the gossip rags. </p><p>“Ah, I’m-” Alba starts, fully intending to deny it. </p><p>“-Oh, you could tell?” Ros says loudly, throwing an arm around Alba’s shoulder. He flashes a waiter a grin. “He can go and defeat the demon lord, but falters at taking his boyfriend out on a date. How embarrassing…”</p><p>“Soldier!” Alba hisses, his face blanching completely. He eyes the waiter nervously, but then his brows furrow. </p><p>The waiter doesn’t even look surprised. </p><p>“I thought so!” the waiter says in excitement. “Then you must be Soldier Ros! I’m a big fan. Of both of you!” He coughs, taking out his memo pad and pen from an apron pocket. “Um, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble… could I get your signatures real quick?”</p><p>What’s done was done, Alba supposes gloomily, and so he accepts the pen and pad. Honestly, his signature is rather ugly, but the waiter doesn’t seem to mind, staring in anticipation and Alba and Ros scribble onto his pad. </p><p>“Thank you so much!” the waiter says happily once they return his memo pad. “I need to get back to work now, but as I said, just ring the bell for service once you’re ready!” </p><p>Alba watches with a frown as the waiter leaves their table, a skip in his step. </p><p>“What’s the matter, Hero?” Ros says. He’s flicking through the menu now, seemingly unaffected by the encounter with the waiter. </p><p>“That waiter,” Alba says slowly, “He didn’t even look surprised when you said we were,” he coughs, his cheeks warming. “You know. On a date.”</p><p>“That would be because us dating is old news to the public,” Ros says dismissively. “More importantly…” He holds up the menu for Alba to see, his eyes shining and face beaming. “This giant parfait looks good, right?”</p><p>The parfait has a one page spread dedicated to it on the menu, a full listing of each of its layers’ ingredients next to the shiny, laminated illustration. </p><p><em>Fifty centimetres tall, </em>boasts the caption.  </p><p>“...Yes, okay, fine, get it,” Alba says with a sigh, then asks- “What do you mean by old news?”</p><p>“It’s your fault, I’ll have you know,” Ros says mildly.</p><p>Alba pauses. “What?”</p><p>“What did you <em>think </em>would happen when you kissed me in front of an entire village?” </p><p>“Ah,” Alba says weakly. “I mean, that… I was really worried, I,” his eyes flick away, bad memories stirring up. Quietly, he murmurs, “I thought you were going to die.”</p><p>“I know,” Ros says, surprisingly gently. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>The words burst out. “If you had just said something earlier-”</p><p>(If he’d cared more about himself than telling pretty lies to keep Alba happy-)</p><p>“I know,” Ros repeats, “And I’m sorry.” His arm reaches around, presses Alba into his side, then he changes the subject abruptly. “Come on, Hero. You pick something too.”</p><p>“You’re planning to eat that entire parfait by yourself?!”</p>
<hr/><p>Alba doesn’t remember those few months after the incident that well. It’s all an indistinct blur really, of the countless quests he snuck out to do alone, all while clinging all the more to Ros in private.</p><p>It had been during those few months that they started sleeping in the same bed, now that he thinks about it. Maybe Ros had been able to tell how much Alba needed it then. </p><p>The last thing on his mind during that time was gossip rags or rumours, so he thinks he can be forgiven for not realizing that those villagers had spread the news of their kiss. </p><p>And as for hearing it from someone else - his father has been gone from the country for over a year, his mother living in a forest far from the cities and their love of celebrity gossip. It’s not surprising that none of them had heard. </p><p>The kiss hadn’t even been romantic. It was just- his emotions had just burst out of him, that was all. Nothing more to it. But he supposes those villagers couldn’t know that. </p><p>Alba fought a lot with Ros during that time, or well, more than usual. Ros hadn’t been happy at being kept out of the loop, at having to treat Alba’s injuries after he returned black and blue. So he always tried to sneak after Alba, all while Alba became more and more creative at evading him. </p><p>“I never step in until the last minute anyways!” Ros would snap on multiple occasions. “Why do you not want me there?”</p><p>Alba would always hem and haw and never say the real reason. </p><p>(Because him dying alone would be better than Ros almost dying for him again.)</p><p>But things got better, eventually. The panic that welled up in him whenever Ros faced a monster slowly began to disappear. And Alba himself got stronger, after forcing himself to fight without a safety net for so long. </p><p>He wouldn’t let Ros take a blow for him again. </p><p>And he wouldn’t be so blind as to take Ros at his word again. To believe him when he said he was fine, when in reality he was suffering from excruciating pain. To leave him to be almost sliced in half because his senses had dulled too much from the poison-</p><p>To trust him to place himself over Alba for anything. </p><p>Because if he had been willing to <em>die </em>for something as petty as Alba’s impatience to finish the quest, for something as inane as Alba’s greed for the villagers’ acknowledgement, what else would he be willing to do for Alba’s sake?</p><p>(Would he sacrifice a happy, normal life to fulfil Alba’s desire to keep him by his side?)</p><p>It’s funny - for so many years, Alba was unsure whether Ros even liked him at all. </p><p>Now, he worries Ros cares too much. </p><p>(Now, he knows Ros cares too much.)</p>
<hr/><p>Alba is rather subdued for the rest of their café visit, and remains subdued once they leave. </p><p>He can tell Ros is worried, though he’s subtle about it. So when Ros laces their fingers together and drags him to the shadows of an alley, away from the crowds, he’s not surprised. </p><p>“There’s no need to look so down, Hero,” Ros says, hand reaching up, caressing Alba’s cheek. “You know, that incident wasn’t all bad.”</p><p>Alba doesn’t even bother denying that he’s thinking about it. </p><p>“What part of it wasn’t?” Alba asks sourly. </p><p>Ros flashes him a bright smile. “You did manage to take my first kiss!”</p><p>He did what?</p><p>Alba stares at Ros blankly. He didn’t- he hadn’t thought that would be Ros’ first kiss. Ros was- Ros was Ros! He’d never seen him interested in anyone for as long as he’s known him, but he’s seen plenty interested in Ros. And while Alba is rather bad at telling that kind of thing, he knows that Ros is supposed to quite handsome. </p><p>It isn’t as though Alba had ever thought about it too much, but he always kind of assumed that Ros was experienced. That he would’ve had his first kiss and more long before he ever even met Alba. </p><p>But now Ros is saying Alba took his first?</p><p>“I don’t know why you’d be surprised,” says Ros, amused. “Before you, I wasn’t interested in kissing anyone. Was that not clear enough?”</p><p>Alba’s gaze turns downwards. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. </p><p>“Hm,” Ros says cheerily. “Is this where I ask you to take responsibility?”</p><p>“Wh-what?” Alba stutters out, flustered. </p><p>“You took my first kiss, Hero,” Ros sings out. “Ruined me for others. There’s no other choice, you have to marry me.”</p><p>“<em>Marry?!</em>” Alba exclaims, face flushing. “That’s ridiculous, it’s not like a kiss or anything would ruin anyone-”</p><p>“Exactly, Hero,” Ros says gently, “So don’t worry about it, not when I let you do it.” He snorts. “Besides, it isn’t as though I didn’t take your first kiss too.”</p><p>Ros may not be wrong<em>, </em>but it kinda annoys Alba that he just went and assumed Alba had never kissed anyone else. </p><p>“You know, I never said that was my first kiss…” </p><p>“Oh, you misunderstand me, Hero,” Ros says brightly. “I know perfectly well that wasn’t your first kiss.”</p><p>Alba’s brows furrow. </p><p>Ros continues, just as bright- “You lost your first kiss to a plunger years ago!” </p><p>It takes a moment for Alba to remember. That first year together, when Alba had made a crass suggestion and Ros had retaliated by attacking his mouth with a plunger… Rchi had made a lame pun at the end of it, if he remembered correctly. </p><p>“That doesn’t count!” Alba cries. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Ros asks innocently. “I do remember you whining about losing your first kiss quite clearly...”</p><p>“I was wrong,” Alba says quickly. </p><p>“If you're sure,” Ros says with a hum. “Either way it means I’m the one who took it, so I don’t particularly care which you choose to be your first.”</p><p>Alba can’t help but flush a little harder at that, and Ros seems to notice, because he smiles at him happily. </p><p>“Hero,” Ros murmurs, coming a little closer. </p><p>Their foreheads press together. </p><p>“Ah-” Alba’s voice cracks, and he coughs, clearing his throat. “Soldier?”</p><p>“I’d like to kiss you.”</p><p>“I, um,” Alba swallows. “What, what happened to making me ask?” </p><p>“I’m impatient,” Ros answers, “And while I’d love to see you kiss me yourself, that can always come later. Hero, can I kiss you?”</p><p>Ros’ eyes, his red eyes that Alba has always liked a bit too much, bore into his face. </p><p>Alba swallows again. </p><p>He may want to kiss Ros. Just a little. Nothing more than a simple kiss, so it must be platonic. But. He still wants to kiss him. </p><p>Should he indulge Ros on this though? If he gives in here, then he might make Ros think he loves him the way he deserves. </p><p>(Or worse, Ros is only offering because he can see how much Alba wants it, and giving in would only hurt Ros more.)</p><p>But… Alba is honestly getting tired. Tired of second-guessing, tired of holding back. </p><p>He promised Ros a month anyways, why not take what he wants and no more? It isn’t as though Ros is going to go and find his happiness right now, while he’s still stuck with Alba. </p><p>So Alba closes his eyes and nods.</p><p>He feels Ros press his lips against Alba’s soon after, and they stay just like that for some moments, Ros’ hand shifting to hold Alba’s head in place. </p><p>When Alba opens his eyes again, he sees Ros smiling at him. </p><p>“I love you, Hero,” Ros says softly. </p><p>“I…”</p><p>(Alba wishes he could say it back.)</p>
<hr/><p>They go to Lake’s house right around dinnertime. </p><p>“Hopefully, we can go right in and out,” Ros says with a shrug. “I’m sure they’ll be busy with dinner.”</p><p>Personally, Alba thinks it’s more likely that Lake will invite them to dinner, and to stay the night as well. He’s fairly sure Ros knows that, because they’ve bought a nice pie to give to Lake and Salt. </p><p>And Lake doesn’t betray Alba’s expectations in the slightest when he opens the door and immediately brightens. </p><p>“Sion!” he exclaims. “And Alba-kun too! Long time no see!”</p><p>“You’ve seen us, goodbye,” Ros says immediately, turning around. </p><p>“Wait wait wait,” Lake sputters, slapping a hand on Ros’ shoulder to stop him. “We haven’t seen each other in months, what’s with the attitude? Come in, both of you!”</p><p>There’s a disgusted look on Ros’ face that Alba is almost certain is fake. </p><p>(Ros really could be cute sometimes, honestly.)</p><p>“Fine,” Ros says, sounding reluctant. </p><p>“Soldier!” Alba hisses, then turns a smile at Lake. “Thank you so much, Lake-san.”</p><p>“No need for thanks.” Lake waves a hand dismissively. “We’re all family here, aren’t we?”</p><p>Alba bites his lip. </p><p>While Lake has said that before, Alba had always assumed he was just nice like that, to say that Alba counted as family as well. </p><p>But if Lake thought of him as his brother’s lover, it made a lot more sense. </p><p>(He’s really beginning to question how much he’s missed or simply looked past.)</p><p>“Salt’s staying late at the lab tonight, so I was just gonna make something quick for myself,” Lake explains as they head in. “But I can see what I can cook up.”</p><p>“No need, we can eat outside,” Ros says dismissively. </p><p>“Soldier, honestly…” Alba says, exasperated. He holds up the bag in his hands. “This is for you, Lake-san. We’d love to stay for dinner, thank you.”</p><p>“For me?” Lake echoes, accepting the bag and peering inside. “Woah, a pie! Awesome!”</p><p>“If we have to stay for dinner, I’m cooking,” Ros says flatly. “I’m not eating your food, Lake. You and your husband both can’t cook, I’m not sure how you’re still alive.”</p><p>“What, rude.” Lake pouts. “We do fine.”</p><p>“Hero, go keep Lake entertained while I make food,” Ros orders, completely ignoring Lake. </p><p>“You know this is my house, right?” Lake says, but he sounds more amused than actually annoyed. “Well, I guess I’m not going to say no to having your cooking. The kitchen is in the room to the left.”</p><p>“I remember,” Ros says, rolling his eyes, then heads off. The door shuts behind him with a clack.</p><p>Lake turns to Alba, a friendly smile on his face. </p><p>“Let’s go to the living room?” he suggests.</p>
<hr/><p>The living room isn’t far, and it’s not long before they’re settled down in it. </p><p>“I’m kinda jealous though,” Lake laments, leaning back on the couch. “You get to have Sion’s cooking every day, don’t you, Alba-kun?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I mean,” Alba coughs. “He does poison it sometimes…”</p><p>Lake laughs. </p><p>“That’s just part of the fun!” Lake says brightly. “He used to do that to us too, you know. Me and Crea.” He pauses. “Though his cooking wasn’t as good then… maybe it wasn’t always on purpose.”</p><p>“I’m not sure if I can treat it as casually as you can...”</p><p>“Well, that’s what Sion likes, isn’t it?” Lake smiles at Alba, but it’s a little subdued. “Your comedy routine is cute.”</p><p>“Aha, thank you…” Alba says, voice somewhat stilted. </p><p>They fall into an awkward silence for some time. </p><p>“We haven’t really talked to each other much alone, have we?” Lake says finally, breaking the silence. </p><p>“Yeah…” says Alba. </p><p>“I’ve never been good at conversation starters,” Lake admits. “Are you and Sion doing well?”</p><p>Are they? Alba isn’t sure. </p><p>And he can’t help but let words spill out. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Lake’s eyes widen. “That doesn’t sound good!”</p><p>“I mean,” Alba hesitates, then asks, “Lake-san, what do you think of me and Soldier?”</p><p>He wants to know. If everyone knew except him. </p><p>“Of your relationship?”</p><p>Alba nods slightly. </p><p>“I think you’d know better than me, Alba-kun,” Lake says, “I don’t see Sion that often. But well…” He smiles. “Sion seems happy when he’s with you, doesn’t he?”</p><p>“I guess…” </p><p>“He definitely does!” Lake looks a little wistful. “You know, before I saw him with you, I hadn’t seen Sion that happy in years.”</p><p>Alba blinks. “Really?”</p><p>“I don’t know how much he told you about why he changed his name and left home,” Lake continues, “And honestly, I don’t know everything either. But the more he grew up, I think he got more and more tired of our parents, and us.” His face goes melancholic. “He always had to be the serious one around us, and I don’t think he ever liked that. And there was Dad…” He pauses. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, I always thought you were good for Sion.”</p><p>Alba’s cheeks heat a little. </p><p>“Thank you,” he mumbles. </p><p>“I’m just saying how I see it,” Lake says with a laugh. “I don’t know what you’re worried about, but I’d be surprised if Sion suddenly felt different about you.”</p><p>It’s a nice reassurance, but not what Alba is really worried about. </p><p>“You don’t think he wants more?” Alba blurts out. </p><p>“I think that’s something you need to ask Sion yourself,” Lake says frankly. He smiles wryly. “I knew Sion as a kid, not ‘Soldier Ros’ today. I mean-” He laughs. “When we were kids, it was me and Crea who went on about going on adventures, but look at us all now. People change.”</p><p>An icy grip clenches Alba’s heart. </p><p>“Ah,” Alba says dully. “You remember that too?”</p><p>“Too?”</p><p>“We visited Crea-san a few weeks ago,” Alba explains quietly. “He said something like that when I was there. He said-” Alba’s hands clench at the fabric of his shorts. “He laughed, and said it was funny that Soldier was the one going around the world. When I asked why, he said-” Alba falters, “He said that Soldier had always just wanted a normal life.”</p><p><em>Sii-tan always laughed at us when we said we wanted to go on adventures, </em>Crea had whined, <em>He always told us to get our heads out of the clouds. Said a normal life was just fine. But look at him now!</em></p><p>(Each word had been a needle stabbing through his heart.)</p><p>“Don’t tell me <em>that’s </em>why you’re worried,” Lake says, laughing again, and Alba is taken back at how easily Lake dismisses it. </p><p>“It’s not just that, but…”</p><p>“Let me give you some advice as a married man of six years,” Lake says, a wide grin on his face. He wags a chiding finger at Alba. “You need to communicate more.”</p><p>“Sorry?”</p><p>“Maybe it’s cliché, but it’s cliché for a reason, you know?” says Lake, “Just talk to Sion about your worries. It’s Sion, so he’ll probably laugh at them first, but I’m sure he’ll reassure you right after.”</p><p>“Um…” Alba isn’t so sure about this. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>(Wasn’t the problem that Ros would reassure him no matter the truth?)</p><p>“You do that,” Lake advises, then claps his hands. “Okay, enough about fixing my little bro’s relationship troubles. Seriously, what have you guys been up to the last few months?”</p>
<hr/><p>Ros cooks up quite the array of food - maybe a little less grand than a midsummer holiday dinner, but impressive nonetheless. Mashed potatoes, veggie stir fry, mini sandwiches neatly cut on a plate and sausages carefully arranged with eggs and cheese. </p><p>Once they’ve sat themselves down, Alba and Ros on one side, Lake on the other, Ros shoots a nasty glare at Lake. </p><p>“You had no fresh vegetables,” Ros says, disapproving, “But I managed.”</p><p>“Eh heh,” is all Lake has to say. </p><p>“And since it wasn’t my food anyways, I decided to use as much as I could!” Ros exclaims. </p><p>“Thanks for making us enough for leftovers, Sion,” Lake says blithely. </p><p>Ros scowls but doesn’t deny it, and Alba can’t help but smile. </p><p>“Anyways,” Ros continues, picking up his fork. “Enjoy.”</p><p>Alba, on his end, is just happy to get to eat Ros’ cooking for the first time since they set off to the port town. It’s hard to cook nice things when they’re out camping. </p><p>His good cheer must show up on his face, because not long after he starts eating, he feels an arm wrap around him and lips lightly brush his cheek. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re enjoying,” Ros coos, smug and satisfied. </p><p>Alba swallows back a flush, because this afternoon has reminded him well and good of the dangers of showing his embarrassment around Ros. </p><p>“I-it’s good,” Alba says with a cough.. “Thanks, Soldier.”</p><p>“You guys seem closer than ever,” Lake says with a laugh, and Alba immediately jerks back, embarrassed. </p><p>(Doubly so because of their conversation earlier.)</p><p>Ros seems to have no sense of shame though, because with a sunny smile bright on his face, all he has to say is-</p><p>“We are.”</p><p>(Alba wishes he could have that self-assurance.)</p>
<hr/><p>Salt doesn’t come back until quite late, but as usual, he has no complaints with them crashing for the night. So that’s what they do - Alba taking the couch, Ros a spare futon.</p><p>The couch is far better than rough ground, and Ros is right on the floor nearby, but it still doesn’t feel very nice. He shifts, the couch creaking as he tries to get comfortable. </p><p>“You can come down if you’d like, Hero,” Ros whispers. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Alba hisses. </p><p>“It’ll be a tight fit with the two of us, but it shouldn’t be that much worse than that couch,” Ros continues. </p><p>“I’m <em>fine,</em>” Alba repeats. </p><p>“Then stop moving around,” Ros says, annoyed. “I can’t sleep.”</p><p>“...Sorry,” mumbles Alba. </p><p>So he stops moving, closes his eyes and tries to sleep. </p><p>Sleep doesn’t come though. </p><p>He wants Ros. </p><p>He wants to squeeze his arms around him and cuddle into his chest, and now that he thinks about it, that’s unfair, isn’t it? He’s made Ros into his personal Kumacchi 2.0, and he didn’t even think twice about it. </p><p>He was disgusting. </p><p>And he needed to learn how to sleep alone. </p><p>So gritting his teeth, he tries to fall asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>Alba manages to fall into a fitful sleep at some point during the night, but it feels like only moments later that his eyes flick back open.  </p><p>From the lighting, it’s only barely past dawn, but he’s not feeling up to trying to sleep any longer on the cold couch. </p><p>So he shifts himself up, only for his eyes to widen. </p><p>Ros is still asleep. </p><p>(It turns out the secret to getting up before Ros was to sleep cold and alone.)</p><p>Alba wishes he had some way to capture the moment, because Ros’ mouth is wide open, drooling away on the borrowed pillow - an expression that matched all of Ros’ descriptions of Alba’s ‘stupid’ sleeping face. </p><p>But he doesn’t, so all he can do is burn it into his memory. </p><p>It’s so very tempting to sneak onto the futon, to squeeze up against Ros in what little space there was and get a couple hours more sleep. </p><p>He can already see Ros’ smug look on discovering Alba tucked into his arms though, and that makes Alba scowl.  </p><p>One bad night’s sleep wouldn’t kill him. </p><p>(But what would happen when Ros left for good?) </p><p>So Alba, yawning, just heads to the bathroom. But on his way back to the living room, he hears a loud sigh coming from the kitchen, and he blinks. </p><p>Someone else is up this early?</p><p>Curious, he peeks into the kitchen. </p><p>There sits Salt at the kitchen counter, all alone, face buried in his hands. </p><p>For a moment, Alba is tempted to just leave. He doesn’t know Salt well, and he has no idea what’s wrong. </p><p>That would be rude though, after they’ve welcomed Alba and Ros into their home at such short notice. And even besides that, Alba finds it difficult to just ignore someone who looks so troubled. </p><p>So he approaches him. </p><p>“Salt-san,” Alba says politely, “Good morning.”</p><p>Salt jerks up, eyes widening. “Oh! Alba-kun, good morning.” He blinks. “You’re up early.”</p><p>“I couldn’t sleep,” Alba says, by way of explanation. “Is everything alright? I could hear you sighing from the hallway.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Salt says morosely. </p><p>“It’s fine!” Alba says quickly. Salt already looks like he’s on the verge of tears, which is rather counterproductive to what Alba had set out to do. With a cough, Alba continues, “I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”</p><p>“Thanks, Alba-kun,” Salt says, looking no less morose. “But there’s nothing, really. I just…” He sighs again. “I got a promotion at work.”</p><p>“Is that a bad thing?” Alba asks cautiously. He pauses, remembering the few promotions Ros has been offered over the years. “Is it in some remote region? Would you need to move?”</p><p>“No, nothing like that,” Salt says, waving a hand listlessly. “I’m being given my own lab in the university. The only place I’m moving is down the hall.”</p><p>“Then…”</p><p>“But there’s no way I can do it,” Salt says, expression deadening. “They want me to manage my own lab? Tell assistants what we should do, lead the way? It’s not even something easy! It’s magic research!” </p><p>“I mean, they promoted you for a reason, right?” Alba tries. </p><p>“I don’t know why,” Salt says bitterly. “Anything I’ve managed to do as a research assistant was just out of luck. I failed elementary school, barely made it into university, and now they think I’m smart enough to manage a whole lab’s experiments?”</p><p>Well, that was a rather… pessimistic view of things. </p><p>But it wasn’t as though Alba couldn’t relate, not when so much of his reputation as a hero was nothing but luck. </p><p>Still, he couldn’t see Salt as the same as him. After all, Alba gave up early, tired of studying. Maybe he would’ve started studying again if he hadn’t become a hero, but who knows. It was all conjecture. </p><p>Salt on the other hand...</p><p>“Maybe you barely made it into university, but you still graduated, didn’t you?” </p><p>“Barely,” Salt says miserably. “My luck has to run out at some point- I can already tell what’s going to happen.” He buries his face into his hands. “I’m not smart. I’m going to get fired, then I won’t be able to find work, so Lake will divorce me, and he’ll get the house in the divorce, so I’ll be stuck out on the streets and die alone…”</p><p>“Your imagination is getting the better of you.”</p><p>”Are you sure about that?” Salt asks, forlorn. </p><p>“You’re not going to get fired, and you’re not going to get divorced,” Alba tells him. </p><p>“But-”</p><p>“-You’ve worked hard until now, right?” Alba asks. </p><p>“Of course, but-”</p><p>“-Then why won’t things work out this time too?” Alba  says reasonably. </p><p>“Well-” Salt pauses. “Well, you know-” He frowns, going silent. His brows furrow, contemplative. </p><p>Then his whole face brightens at once, the contrast rather impressive. “You’re right!” </p><p>“I am?” Alba says automatically, not having expected the sudden turnaround. He coughs. “Right, I am.”</p><p>“I just need to work hard,” Salt says, determined, “And I’ll get through this.” He pauses. “Barely.”</p><p>“You’re only aiming for barely?!”</p><p>“F-for now!” Salt says awkwardly. “I’ll get better!”</p><p>Honestly, Alba isn’t quite sure what to say about that, so he settles on a simple, “Good luck.”</p><p>It seems to satisfy Salt well enough. </p><p>“Thanks,” Salt says, smiling. “And thanks for hearing me out, Alba-kun.”</p><p>“No problem,” Alba says, flashing a grin back. “All part of the job.”</p><p>“You do good work then,” Salt laughs, but then his face darkens. “Better than me…”</p><p>Sensing a backslide, Alba quickly says, “There’s got to be stuff you’re looking forwards to with the promotion, right?”</p><p>Salt is successfully distracted. </p><p>“It’ll be nice making my own work for once,” Salt admits. “And the extra money will definitely help.”</p><p>“I guess houses are expensive…” </p><p>“The upkeep actually isn’t that bad,” Salt says, knocking a hand against the wooden counter. “I bet it’s cheaper than renting inn rooms every night. But well, still...”</p><p>“You’re probably right,” Alba says with a sigh. “Most of our money does go to housing.”</p><p>“It must’ve been tough when Sion-kun quit his job, wasn’t it?” Salt says sympathetically. “You lost his salary.”</p><p>Alba pauses. </p><p>“When Soldier did what?” he asks carefully. </p><p>Salt looks at him, confused. </p><p>“When he quit a couple years ago,” Salt explains. “The king wanted to recall him back to the castle for good- Lake said he got offered a big salary increase too. But instead he quit, right? To stay with you.”</p><p>The world goes quiet, and Alba can hear the blood rushing in his ears. </p><p>“Ah,” he says. “I see.”</p>
<hr/><p>Ros wakes up fairly early.- though not as early as Alba had that day - and so they head out mid-morning, right as Salt and Lake leave for work. </p><p>Salt just gives them both a friendly wave goodbye before rushing off, but Lake forces a hug onto a semi-reluctant Ros. </p><p>“Be well,” Lake says cheerily, “And visit more, both of you.”</p><p>Ros makes a face. </p><p>“We’ll try,” Alba says, smile distracted. </p><p>He’s quiet as they leave the city and hit the road, giving monosyllabic responses to anything Ros says. It’s obvious that Ros is confused, and starting to get worried, though he hasn’t said anything about it to Alba just yet. </p><p>But Alba doesn’t know what to say. </p><p>His feelings are an utter mess. </p><p>“Hero,” Ros says abruptly, “Let’s have lunch a little early?”</p><p>“Sure,” Alba mumbles. </p><p>They veer off the road a little ways, settling down in the open pasture. It’s an unusually pretty landscape for their country, green as far as the eye could see- but Alba is in no state of mind to appreciate it. </p><p>The sandwiches they’d bought before they left were in Ros’ pack, but Ros doesn’t reach for them, not even after they sit down. </p><p>Instead, he faces Alba and demands, annoyance melded with worry- “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Alba hesitates. </p><p><em>Communicate</em>, Lake had suggested, and while most of Alba still balks at the idea of laying everything bare-</p><p>He’s beginning to get a strong feeling that he needs to. </p><p>Because if he doesn’t, he thinks that Ros will never manage to leave him, never find his own true happiness. He’d stick around with Alba forever, indulging the desires of a pathetic hero who couldn’t even love him right. </p><p>And while Alba would like nothing more than just that, there’s more factors in play then just his own desires. </p><p>“Soldier,” Alba says, face set. “Can we talk?”</p><p>Ros raises an eyebrow. “Of course.”</p><p>“Soldier, I-” Alba swallows. “I don’t want you to put me over yourself.”</p><p>“And I don’t want you to put <em>me</em> over <em>yourself</em>, Hero,” Ros answers immediately, not missing a beat. “But I don’t think either of us will get what we wish.”</p><p>“Wha- I don’t-“ Alba coughs, clearing his throat. “I don’t do that.”</p><p>“You do,” Ros says, something dark flashing in his eyes. “Or you did, at least. Isn’t that why you started sneaking out on quests? Because you decided the risk of <em>dying </em>was worth avoiding me perhaps stubbing a toe against the weak monsters you couldn’t deal with.”</p><p>Alba’s throat feels dry. </p><p>(So Ros had realized the reason why.)</p><p>“That’s- even if that was true,” Alba says, his hands curling into fists. His fingers dig into his skin, little pinpricks of pain shooting up. His voice rises a notch. “Even if! The only reason I started doing that in the first place was because-“ His teeth grit. “Because you decided it was worth it to die for me.”</p><p>Ros just sighs. “Listen, that incident… it wasn’t your fault, you do realize that?” He shrugs. “I misjudged the strength of that wyvern’s poison- I really did think I could make it to the boss dragon’s lair and fight with no issues. It’s not your fault that I didn’t realize how badly the poison was affecting my reflexes.”</p><p>“We’ve fought together for years, and I couldn’t notice you needed help?” Alba snaps. “I couldn’t notice you were just trying to spare my feelings?”</p><p>“Wow, Hero,” Ros says, the sudden disgust in his voice throwing Alba off-kilter. “You’ve really gotten arrogant, haven’t you? What a turnoff. Don’t touch me. Gross.”</p><p>“Where did that come from?” Alba asks, his energy dissipating as his confusion rises. </p><p>“For one,” Ros says with a sneer, “The idea that you could even <em>dream </em>of noticing the extent of my injury when I couldn’t myself. You. Noticing something I couldn’t.”</p><p>Alba coughs. “You don’t have to put it like that…”</p><p>“For two… ‘I was just trying to spare your feelings?’” Ros echoes with a derisive snort. “Hero, the reason why I hid my injury was because we <em>needed </em>to defeat that dragon on that day. If we left it for any longer, it would’ve probably attached the village nearby, slaughtering everyone.” He sneers. “And you thought I was doing it for your <em>feelings?</em> Pathetic. And you call yourself a hero?”</p><p>Ah. </p><p>Alba’s face burns with pure, unadulterated shame. </p><p>“I didn’t know the dragon was that close to attacking!” he cries, “You never said!”</p><p>“You could tell just by noting its behaviour over the last few days,” Ros says, still sneering. “The villagers told us everything we needed to know. Though I guess you were too distracted over the novelty of killing a dragon and getting the village’s eternal gratitude.”</p><p>Alba very sincerely wants to go dig a hole to jump in. </p><p>“I’m sorry…” he mumbles. </p><p>“Can you see past your inflated ego now?” Ros asks, mocking. </p><p>Alba gives him a small nod. </p><p>Then Ros’ expression softens. </p><p>“Don’t worry though,” Ros says, voice lilting, “You might be arrogant, egotistic, weak, pathetic, and an idiot.”</p><p>Ros falls silent. </p><p>After a few moments of silence, Alba can’t help but sputter-</p><p>“Where’s the but?!” </p><p>Ros blinks at him innocently. “Why would there be a but? I was just stating facts.”</p><p>Alba makes an unintelligible noise. </p><p>“Fine,” he says quietly. “Maybe- maybe it wasn’t my fault that you were hurt that second time.”</p><p>Blood splattering everywhere, his vision going white with shock as Ros fell to the ground. Everything falling silent, his each breath feeling loud, too loud. </p><p>Ros had left the dragon injured at least, and that’s the only reason why they weren’t both dead. Because normally, a swing of Alba’s weak sword wouldn’t have done anything, but as sluggish as the monster was, it was easy to slip the blade into its mouth and <em>rip. </em>And so the dragon broke into shattering crystals, its body returning to the Demon World. </p><p>And Alba was left behind, with a soldier unconscious and bleeding out onto the ground. </p><p>The rest was a blur. Scrambling to find Rchi’s whistle in Ros’ pockets - because that was the only way he’d get Ros to a doctor in time - his hands covered in blood at the end of it. Watching blankly as Rchi cried, as she dragged them both through a gate to the village square at Alba’s clipped request. </p><p>It wasn’t the time to be complaining about broken ribs. </p><p>The village doctor did fast work, bringing all her tools and medicines out from her clinic to where Ros lay dying, but it wasn't enough. Not with how much blood Ros had lost already. Not with the poison coursing through his veins, as the doctor explained. </p><p>Alba listened silently to the explanation, the knowledge that he was to blame burning a hole in his chest. </p><p>“There’s nothing more I can do,” the doctor said gently, and Alba’s world fell apart around him. </p><p>But then Rchi brought a man with blond hair and a blue flame burning at his forehead, the man’s eyes widening with shock on seeing Ros’ sorry state.</p><p>He approached Ros - Alba eyeing him warily as he did, but not stopping him - and his hands rose-</p><p>And Ros woke up. </p><p>“Hero?” he murmured, sounding confused. </p><p>Ros was awake, alive, blinking up at him-</p><p>And Alba had been so worried, so stressed, his joy and relief right then was utterly overwhelming-</p><p>Leaning down, flicking his eyes closed and pressing their lips together was really just a natural reaction. </p><p>(Maybe that was the way it was for Ros as well, because Ros had simply wrapped his arms around Alba and pushed him closer.)</p><p>“But the only reason you were hurt in the first place,” Alba continues finally, “Was because you blocked an attack that was meant for me.”</p><p>There were wyverns guarding the entrance to the dragon’s cave, much less dangerous than the dragon itself, but still strong enough for Alba to struggle against them. </p><p>It wasn’t surprising that Alba got distracted, paused to cheer for a moment after defeating a wyvern only for another to swipe at his back. </p><p>But before their claws could reach Alba, Ros had run in too late. He wasn’t able to block the attack completely, and the claws-</p><p>They scraped bloody gashes on his chest. </p><p>“We can play the blame game until the sun sets and the moon rises, Hero,” Ros says mildly, “The only reason why I was hurt was because I wasn’t fighting with you in the first place. Because I like seeing you struggle and suffer.” He snorts. “You could say I reaped what I sowed.”</p><p>“But if I was stronger, it wouldn’t have mattered at all!” Alba snaps. </p><p>“And if I were stronger, I wouldn’t have let that wyvern injure me,” Ros says, flashing a smirk. “I can do this all day, Hero.”</p><p>Alba grits his teeth, frustrated. </p><p>“That wasn’t the only time you sacrificed for me though,” he says slowly, “Was it?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Ros asks, voice neutral. </p><p>“When were you going to tell me you weren’t a royal soldier any longer?” asks Alba. </p><p>Ros freezes for the briefest moment. </p><p>“Who told you?” he demands. “Was it my brother?”</p><p>“Is that important?” </p><p>“...I suppose not,” Ros says, letting out a small sigh. “I apologize, Hero. I meant to tell you, but I could never get the timing right, and then too much time had passed to bring it up naturally.” His eyes flick to the side. “I suppose that isn’t much of an excuse.”</p><p>“It isn’t,” Alba says bluntly. “But I’m not really mad about that.”</p><p>They always lived off of whatever they made on quests anyways. It wasn’t until years into their journey that Alba even learned that Ros received a proper salary from the king. </p><p>So the money itself wasn’t an issue, and it was Ros’ choice to quit his job, but…</p><p>“The king offered you a huge pay raise, didn’t he?” Alba says quietly. “If you had taken it and just left me, you probably could’ve found yourself a nice place in the capital…”</p><p>Ros clicks his tongue, loudly. </p><p>“I knew you would blame yourself,” Ros mutters, quietly enough Alba can barely make it out. But before Alba can react, Ros narrows his eyes and says, louder this time, “Hero.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Alba says cautiously. </p><p>“Your two hundred million gold bounty wasn’t enough to make me leave you,” Ros says, sounding exasperated. “Why on earth would a measly pay raise change my mind?”</p><p>Alba feels his face heat again, this time out of simple embarrassment. </p><p>“I-I mean,” he mumbles, “That was… a while ago…”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter how much time passes, Hero,” Ros says, his hand reaching out, resting softly on Alba’s cheek. “You’ll always be priceless to me.” He pauses, then continues- “As my toy if nothing else!”</p><p>“What do you mean, your toy?!” Alba sputters. </p><p>“My cute little toy that provides me with endless entertainment,” Ros says sweetly, and before Alba can stop him, he’s inching closer, slipping into Alba’s lap. He wraps his arms around Alba, presses a light kiss against Alba’s hair. </p><p>Face burning, Alba’s heart feels like it’s going to pound its way out of his chest. </p><p>This wasn’t going the way he expected it to. </p><p>...He was going to drown in this affection. </p><p>(Affection he didn’t deserve.)</p><p>But fine. He hadn’t said enough yet. Maybe Ros had cut down his other arguments far too easily, but he needed to be blunt now, the way he hadn’t before.  </p><p>Even if his motivation was rapidly drying up with Ros pressed so comfortably against him.</p><p>He forces the words out anyways. </p><p>“Soldier.”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>Alba swallows. “You-” He falters for a moment. “You deserve better.”</p><p>“Definitely,” Ros agrees immediately. </p><p>Alba coughs. “Uh?” </p><p>“I could do so much better,” Ros continues cheerily. “You should be grateful I’m so in love with you, Hero.” </p><p>Then he pauses. </p><p>Ros comments smugly- “I see you got redder.”</p><p>Alba pointedly ignores that little comment. </p><p>“That’s not what I mean,” Alba says quietly. “I mean- Soldier, you’ve wasted so much of your life on me already. You deserve to find someone who can- who can actually like you in the right way.”</p><p>Ros, looking unimpressed, unhooks an arm from around Alba to jab a hand into Alba’s stomach. </p><p>Alba chokes. </p><p>“Wha-” Alba gives Ros a mournful look. </p><p>“Hero,” Ros says flatly, “I do understand it must be quite novel for you to be desirable for once, and that playing hard to get lets you experience that for longer.” He shoots Alba a glare. “But I don’t have infinite patience. How many heartfelt confessions do you need before you’re satisfied?”</p><p>“I’m not playing hard to get,” Alba complains. </p><p>“Then, why, exactly, are you so insistent that you don’t like me when you act as though you do?” Ros demands. “Don’t tell me it’s because we’re both men.”</p><p>“What? Of course not.” Alba shakes his head firmly. “That’s not the problem. I just-” His gaze flicks down. “I know you said that you were happy with the way we were. But-”</p><p>Even if Ros were really telling the truth, even if Ros weren’t telling pretty lies just to spare Alba’s feelings, just to keep Alba happy…</p><p>“But,” Alba continues, “I don’t want you to settle.” His voice feels dead, but he keeps talking regardless. “There’s- there has to be someone out there you’d actually be interested in. You just…” he grows quieter. “You just have to find them…”</p><p>He feels Ros’ hand trace over his own in a gentle hold. </p><p>“Honestly, Hero,” Ros says quietly. “I don’t know who you’re trying to convince when you’re trembling like this.”</p><p>Ah. He was, wasn’t he? He hadn’t noticed. That wasn’t good. Ros was right. He couldn’t convince anyone like this. </p><p>But before Alba can try to compose himself, Ros continues. </p><p>“I think I understand the issue now though,” Ros says. “Hero. Neither of us is ever going to be interested in someone ‘like that’.”</p><p>“You can’t know that,” Alba objects. </p><p>“It’s not impossible,” Ros grants, “But given that it still hasn’t happened despite how much we like each other, I very much doubt it will.” He meets Alba’s eyes steadily. “You’re aware that people have different preferences, right?”</p><p>“Preferences?”</p><p>“Like how some people aren’t interested in the same gender as their own,” Ros clarifies. </p><p>“Ah.” Alba blinks. “Of course.”</p><p>“Some people aren’t interested in anyone in that way.” Ros shrugs. “It doesn’t mean we can’t still be interested in romance, but it does mean we aren’t interested in certain aspects of it. It’s just the way it is.”</p><p>Alba stares. </p><p>“It is?” he asks. </p><p>“It is,” Ros answers. </p><p>Alba stares some more. </p><p>“I mean, I hadn’t heard of that before…” he mumbles, a little defensive. </p><p>“You did grow up in a forest,” Ros says with a snort. </p><p>“It was a nice forest!” </p><p>“I’m sure it was,” Ros says condescendingly. “A nice forest that taught you how to be amazingly dense about even your own feelings. I don’t know what else I expected from you.”</p><p>“I mean!” Alba says again, fully defensive now. “Even if that really is a thing. I still-” He trails off into a mumble. “I still don’t know if I like you…”</p><p>Didn’t that just make it worse, now that he thinks about it? </p><p>If he really wasn’t ever going to be interested in anything past kissing, if he really wasn’t just a late bloomer, then how was he supposed to know if he actually loved someone right?</p><p>Ros just sighs, loud and obnoxious. </p><p>“Let’s say, hypothetically, that you really do only like me as a friend,” he says flatly. “A friend that you enjoy kissing and snuggling with at night. Fine. Why can’t we spend the rest of our lives in platonic bliss? Is there a problem with that?” </p><p>“Well,” Alba starts, voice small. </p><p>There wasn’t any problem with that, on Alba’s side of things. He’d want nothing more. </p><p>But… </p><p>“Don’t you want a normal life?” Alba asks. </p><p>“I don’t care about a normal life, I care about a life with you,” Ros tells him without an ounce of hesitation. “And even putting that aside- what would be stopping us from making ourselves a normal life?”</p><p>”I mean,” Alba says awkwardly, beginning to feel a little stupid. “Well…”</p><p>“We can buy a house in some town, get married - or not, if you prefer - and find some boring village jobs to do for the rest of our lives,” Ros says with a snort. “If that isn’t a ‘normal’ life, what is?”</p><p>Alba glances down, his hands fidgeting in front of him. </p><p>“I just want you to be happy,” he admits finally. “I didn’t want to be selfish.”</p><p>“If you want me to be happy, Hero, pushing me away is the worst thing you could do,” Ros says, “And if you don’t want to be selfish, pushing your own flawed concepts of love and happiness onto me is the worst thing you could do.”</p><p>Selfish?</p><p>Was he really being selfish all along?</p><p>“You’re really happy with me?” Alba has to ask, at least one more time. </p><p>“<em>Yes,</em>” Ros says firmly, exasperation tinging his voice. </p><p>“Okay,” Alba says, confidence rising. “Okay.”</p><p>He shifts a little, brings his hand up to cup the back of Ros’ head. </p><p>“Hero-?”</p><p>Then he leans in to press a light kiss against Ros’ lips. It’s quick, barely a blink and it’s over, but-</p><p>Alba thinks he needs to do it. </p><p>(And besides, he wants to, and there’s no reason to hold back what he wants anymore, is there?)</p><p>“I’m still not sure if I like you,” Alba says again, leaning back. “But- I want to be with you. I don’t mind calling myself your lover, your boyfriend, whatever, if that’s what you want. I just… want you to stay with me.” He swallows. “Is- is that okay?”</p><p>Ros’ eyes are gentle for once. </p><p>“Really, Hero,” he says derisively, “Only you would be so dense that you can’t even see your own feelings for what they are. Honestly.” Despite the scathing words, he smiles softly. “But I suppose I can accept that. We have all the time in the world for you to figure it out, don’t we?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Alba says, finding himself smiling right back. “Yeah, we do.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Hero. Hero, wake up.”</p><p>Mumbling something unintelligible, Alba snuggles closer to the warmth in front of him. </p><p>He hears a tongue click, and moments later, there’s a shooting pain coming from his arm. </p><p>“Ow!” Alba looks towards Ros with blurry eyes. “You didn’t have to pinch me…”</p><p>“You weren’t waking up,” Ros says primly. </p><p>Alba grumbles under his breath. </p><p>“Good morning to you too, Hero,” Ros says, pressing a light kiss against his forehead. </p><p>“‘Morning…” Alba mumbles out. “What’s up?”</p><p>Not that he doesn’t mind waking to a warm bed for once, but Ros usually doesn’t bother waking him until Ros is up and changed and ready to face the day. </p><p>“We’re dating, right?” Ros asks, smile far too sunny for this awful hour. </p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“You’re my lover?” Ros continues. </p><p>“Of course…”</p><p>“You love me?” Ros asks finally, and Alba flushes a little. </p><p>“...I might,” Alba mumbles. </p><p>(He probably does, but it’ll be a while yet before he’s confident enough to say it out loud.)</p><p>Ros doesn’t seem displeased by the uncertain answer though, because he happily draws Alba into his arms and squeezes tight. </p><p>“Really, what’s up?” Alba asks again. </p><p>“It’s been a month,” Ros says, somewhat smug, “Since you said you’d date me for a month.”</p><p>“Ah,” Alba says, embarrassment clouding his voice. </p><p>“I do hope you don’t plan on looking for a girlfriend anymore,” Ros says derisively. </p><p>“Of course not!” </p><p>“Good,” Ros says, then hesitates for a moment. “Do you still want to settle down?”</p><p>“I do, but…” Alba presses his face into Ros’ shoulder. “I was kinda thinking of going to university.”</p><p>“You? University?” says Ros, sounding surprised. He snorts. “Didn’t you try to make that terrible band because you didn’t want to study anym-”</p><p>“-Don’t bring up my dark past,” Alba cuts in desperately. “Yeah, I was tired of studying back then, but y’know…” He shifts back a little, meets Ros’ gaze. “I always liked the idea of being a researcher, and if I’m quitting heroing, I wanna at least <em>try</em> to become one.”</p><p>“Hm,” Ros makes a neutral noise. </p><p>“I checked my savings!” Alba says quickly. “I should have enough for a graduate degree!”</p><p>“You should worry more about whether you can even pass the entrance exams anywhere,” Ros says, flashing him a smirk. </p><p>Alba shrinks into himself a little. </p><p>Ros continues, “But well, that’s fine with me.”</p><p>“Really?” Alba says hesitantly. </p><p>“I can even tutor you, if you’d like,” Ros offers. </p><p>“You didn’t go to university, did you?” Alba asks, a little confused. </p><p>“No, but I’m sure I know more than you,” Ros says sweetly. “I may not have a formal degree, but I’ve studied here and there. I can keep up with Salt’s research papers easily.”</p><p>“Geh. I’ll be counting on you for your help, Ros-san…” </p><p>“Of course,” Ros says, voice smug. But then his expression softens. “We don’t have to really worry about the money, by the way.”</p><p>Alba’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I’ve never used any of my salary as a soldier,” Ros says with a shrug. “It’s all piled up, almost a decade of pay. Should be plenty enough to get us settled down in a nice house somewhere at least.”</p><p>“Oh,” Alba says, surprised. </p><p>“The benefits of using nothing but your money for years!” Ros says brightly. “Hurry up and become a big shot researcher so I can mooch off of you again, Hero.”</p><p>“I haven’t even started applying to universities yet, you know…” Alba pauses. “And wait, why do I need to make it big just so you can mooch off of me?!”</p><p>“Bit of a delayed reaction, a solid two out of five,” Ros says critically. “Are you still sleepy?”</p><p>Alba just scowls. </p><p>“Anyways,” Ros says, smiling. “Do your best, Hero. I’ll be rooting for you.”</p><p>The sudden genuine support coming from Ros is much too embarrassing, and Alba can feel his face beginning to flush. He hides his face in Ros’ shoulder again. </p><p>“Thanks,” Alba mumbles, voice muffled. </p><p>“Get your degree, get your job,” Ros says, and Alba can hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll find something to do too. And maybe in a couple years, we can, ah,” He coughs awkwardly. “Maybe. Start a family.”</p><p>“That sounds good to me,” he murmurs, pressing closer still. </p><p>“Good,” Ros says, and ah, the happiness in his voice is infectious. </p><p>Alba is so happy. </p><p>He's not sure still, sometimes, if this is okay. If Ros isn't holding anything back, if he doesn't want more, if he really is happy too. </p><p>But he's so very tired of doubting.</p><p>So he'll try to trust what Ros says from now on. Trust when he says he's happy, trust that he couldn't ever think of leaving.</p><p>(And he'll trust that will lead them to their final happy ending.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My thought process behind writing this fic was basically:</p><p>me: okay, I wanna write a future SQ fic where they're still journeying around and basically dating but Alba doesn't realize<br/>me @ me: there is 0 chance that Ros wouldn't have made some kinda move and even Alba would realize after like a decade of this, he is not that stupid<br/>me: consider- Ros is ace and Alba mistakes everything as friendship including his own feelings<br/>me @ me: you're a genius<br/>Anyways, thank you for making it this far! I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable. Hit us up at the <a href="https://discord.gg/EPxGygy">senyuu discord</a> if you'd like!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>